February 23, 2017
Interview with John Neffinger, co-author of the book Compelling People
Mike Carruthers:
Being able to project both strength and warmth is a big part of what gives someone charisma.
John Neffinger:
The reason that charisma is so rare is that projecting both strength and warmth at the same time is tricky.
John Neffinger, co-author of the book Compelling People…
Because most of the things that we do to project strength make us seem assertive. And most of the things we do to project warmth make us seem accommodating.
So how do charismatic people pull it off?
The most common way to combine strength and warmth in the non-verbal channels (where we’re doing so much the judging of this) is something that a lot of us probably heard when we were kids and we were being dragged to some formal social function that we didn’t want to be at. Which was; stand up straight and smile – that combination works very, very well.
There’s another piece of charisma that projects that strength and warmth.
Denzel Washington is a great example of this, Bill Clinton, Dolly Parton as well and what they have going on is a big smile (which of course is projecting warmth) but also combined with that is a little bit of a glint or twinkle in their eyes. And it says, “I’m watching you, and I’m not going to let you get away with anything.” And combination of that focused look in the eye with that nice relaxed smile on the mouth gives you a lot of strength and warmth all in one picture.
