October 25, 2016
Interview with Dr. Greg Smalley, author of the book Fight Your Way To A Better Marriage
Mike Carruthers:
Conventional wisdom says that in a marriage of relationship the less conflict the better.
Dr. Greg Smalley:
I’m telling you it’s totally false because I believe conflict is the price we pay for intimacy.
Psychologist Dr. Greg Smalley, author of the book Fight Your Way To A Better Marriage…
I think the worst advice that we can ever give a couple is hey you know when you’re hurt and you’re frustrated you need to sit down and sort of figure out how to talk this thing through. Worst advice because it doesn’t work – I’ve never met a couple who can…when they’re all mad or hurt they can’t hear, they can’t understand, they’re not listening – they’re shut down.
Greg believes that when emotions are running high what you really need to do is get away from the situation for a while.
When you’re angry, you see your heart is closed, you are not capable of listening, understanding. And that’s why I say tell your spouse I want to listen but I can’t right now, I’m going to go away for a moment and then I’m going to come back when I’m really willing and able to hear you.
Whether it’s for 5 minutes or an hour, Greg says it’s a very effective strategy to walk away and then come back.
I’m responsible for me and I’m not willing to continue a conversation with my wife when I’m shut down because nothing on earth will go right.
