Mike
Carruthers:
Can you imagine being in a relationship with someone
and not liking him or her? It's apparently very common.
Dr.
Joel Block:
One of the reasons why you may not like her is because
you're not getting the best of her and you're not getting the best of her because
you're not giving her your best. Psychologist
Dr. Joel Block, author of the book Making
it Work When You Work a Lot… If
you're pretty negative with someone, basically there is a principle (and it's
a well-researched principle actually) of reciprocity. After a time you get what
you give. Think of a bank account - you have deposits and withdrawals. In a lot
of relationships, the reason why small withdrawals are a problem is because there
are not enough deposits. Deposits are in the form of saying positive things -
that you're acknowledging strengths rather than pointing out weaknesses. So you
want a relationship account like that bank account that has plenty of deposits
on it because there will be inevitable withdrawals. And
by positive things, Dr. Block means saying things that draw you closer. So
it's not just, "Oh I like your tie" - it's more personal than that and
it's supportive and it's also validating the other person's experience. Being
empathetic - that is putting yourself in the other person's shoes. One of the
most powerful things in a relationship is feeling understood and that kind of
thing is healing. Again, the best we can do as people with each other is healing
and the healing is based in feeling understood by the other person.
At somethingyoushouldknow.net
I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.
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